Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
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Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
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He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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