I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
