Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
