I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
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