He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Where is the hickey?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
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One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
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