As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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