Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
