he puts the penis in happiness.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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