i barfeds in our rink
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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