then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize