She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
