i just had sex bonerless
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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