hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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