here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
