just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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