I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
