if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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