I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
