That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
