hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just blew my weed a kiss
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
