I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
