It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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