I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
