You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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