She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
