I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
