Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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