I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's Friday. Sex?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
