It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
