hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
