May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
BRING THE BAGELS
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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