I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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