U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
