I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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