he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
The feeling are messing with the penis
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize