i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
