im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I lost the right to judge tonight
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
