So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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