The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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