On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
