i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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