Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the day after is always just damage control
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
