Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
