I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The power of my boobs compel you
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
