3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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