Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize