the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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