Yo dont text me then not text me
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Randomize
