Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
