Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
