Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
