I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize