it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
