His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
