Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I am one with the molecules
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
