we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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