All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
