sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
they're like a gay fantastic four
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
