his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
