I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
3pm strippers are depressing
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
