Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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