And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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