you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
this will be a night to untag.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
