I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
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its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
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My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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