The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
