Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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