The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
