Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
