This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
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You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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