I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
