Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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