I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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