Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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