this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
