Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
