I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
